I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
