Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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