Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
