his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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