my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
