i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
