I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
