oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
