my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
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we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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