My room smells like vodka and shame
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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