so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well you can't waste a boner
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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