It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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