hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
