maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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