He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds