Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she woke up with a sticky ear
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.