Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
