When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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