I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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