u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
