That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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