she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
