I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
