im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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