I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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