I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
