I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
