listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if only i could text you this smell
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize