I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
