He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize