The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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