2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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