We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
