i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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