it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
