true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
