There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
