She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
