girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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