drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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