margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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