I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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