Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
