grandma shit on top of the toilet
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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