none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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