dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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