no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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