Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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