She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
