I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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