I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
