it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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