Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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