Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
