I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
