I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
