she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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