Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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