We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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