How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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