I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
