you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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